Jonathan Hickman's Avengers
by Toasterman
Summary: It is an Avengers World, the first of many, but Steve Rogers isn't sure what that means. He isn't sure of a lot these days. Everything is too confusing for him. Parody of Hickman's Avengers run.


**Jonathan Hickman's Avengers**

"The machine is broken," said Tony Stark.

Steve Rogers turned to look at his friend. "What do you mean?"

"I mean the system doesn't work." Iron Man tapped the hologram in front of him, which seemed to Steve to be a mess of Venn diagrams and new-age glyphs. "It breaks and reforms constantly but never in a useful way."

"What are we talking about?"

"The world," said Stark, very importantly. This did not help Steve.

Captain Universe walked in. "The children," she said.

"What?" Steve was still confused.

"The children think they can walk, but they are walking upside down." Captain Universe cocked her head to the side like she always did when she was being deep and provocative. "Upside down children do not fit in the system."

Stark laughed. "Of course not! They're asymmetrical!"

Steve frowned. "Look, I have no idea—"

"Of course not, good Captain." Ex Nihlo walked in. He was so calm you don't even know, but he was creepy with the smile and such. "You cannot perceive the Mother's design, but that is acceptable. For the Father is worse."

Captain Universe nodded vigorously. "Yes, the Father builds. He has no time for symmetry or not, as we know."

"Who is the father?" asked Steve. Not that he followed any of it, but he figured the questions had to start somewhere.

"He is the creator and incursioneer," said Ex Nilho. He grinned. "You do not see, do you, Steven Rogers?"

Steve threw up his hands. "Why is it that all hyper intelligent beings refer to me by my full name? You're an infinite super-genius—why can't you understand a nickname?"

Stark, Captain Universe, and the golden gardener laughed together. Steve's frown deepened.

"I'm serious!" he shouted. "What is it with all this vague philosophy? When was the last time we just fought a damn villain? Isn't that what we do?"

Tony was suddenly sober, as if Steve had dumped all his bourbon out a window. "Villains don't have any place in a post-incursion world system, Steve!"

"Yeah, do you even listen?" said Ex Nillbo. "God!"

Steve was very much considering a long walk off a short cliff when Thor and Hyperion walked in. He smiled when he saw them. Now here, he figured, were two men who didn't have time for bullshit—just two strong and muscled super heroes who were ready for a fight.

"Are you guys talking about systems?" asked Hyperion.

"You guessed it, pal," said Steve. "And I gotta say, all this talk has me turned around worse than—"

Hyperion ignored him. "I'm pretty sure the system is broken."

Thor nodded. "Aye, 'tis broken beyond rational thought. I see past the realm of the norm sight and can tell of such yonder things."

Steve looked at him. "Thor, how can you make sense of all this crap?"

"I have a mind for introspection, Steven."

"Steve."

"Steven."

"Steve."

Thor frowned deeply. "_Steven,_" he said.

Cap took a deep breath. "Fine. Look, what the hell are the Builders? We just fought an entire war against them and I'm still not sure what they are."

"I believe I can answer that," said Stark. "Builders are the inhabitants of the superflow, and—"

"Okay, okay." Cap stopped him. "Now, before you continue, let's just define that once and for all: in simple terms, what is the superflow?"

"The superfow is the confluence."

"Which is?" he prompted.

Stark laughed. "Dear God, Steve! The confluence is a system!"

"God damn it so much…"

"I don't understand why you're so frustrated, good Captain." Ex Nilbo Baggins pressed his hand onto Steve's shoulder. "We Ehxx Nihillieilalians have tended the garden for eons!"

"What garden?" Steve took off his helmet and threw it on the tile. "Can no one just explain what is going on? Can nothing ever be defined solidly? Can nothing get wrapped up? When did I get trapped in an endless episode of _Lost_?"

"I suppose the Swan could explain it," said Stark.

"Yes," X Neo agreed. "The Swan has the answers you seek."

"Do I even want to know what the Swan is?" asked Steve.

"She is a system unto herself," said Captain Universe.

"Who will unite an Avengers World," added Hyperion.

Steve turned to him. "Wait. What was that about an Avengers World?"

And then suddenly there were giant booming words in Steve Rogers's head. They were thick and black and hurt his brain.

_**IT WAS AN AVENGERS WORLD. THE FIRST OF MANY. BEFORE THE IDEA THAT BECAME A FIRE AND SPREAD ACROSS A SYSTEM OF SYSTEMS TO BECOME A FLAME OF HOPE.**_

"Fuck me!" he shouted. "I am so done with this team! If anybody needs me, I'll be trapped in Dimension Z for a decade!"

Stark called after him. "Be careful! That system is stuck in a broken superflow!"

"Eat my dick, you obtuse drunk!"

(((())))

**AUTHOR'S NOTE**: Just a reaction to Jonathan Hickman's Avengers run-which I actually adore. He just seems a little too high-concept sometimes.


End file.
